Who Is an Introvert?

 Ah, the world of introverts.  I think the general perception of an introvert is someone who sits by themselves in a corner by themselves, occasionally whispering to people.  I am an introvert, and it is one of the qualities I most value about myself.  I am a Myers Briggs type INFP, which means that I have a rich inner life.  I have found that people really do not understand introversion, so I would like to talk about my own experience as an introvert and help you to understand what we are all about.  You may very well be one as well!

I think one of the biggest misconceptions is that introverts do not "like people."  We do, in fact, like others.  We are not misanthropes, at least most of us are not.  You will have your occasional person who does not like the company of others, but that may or may not have anything to do with introversion.  I enjoy people tremendously.  I was a psychology major in college, originally an elementary education major.  But once I started taking psych courses, I found people fascinating.  I loved learning different theories of personality, what motivates people, the stories of their lives which make them who they are.  As a matter of fact if you meet me, many people describe me as a warm and engaging person.  Introverts can be warm and engaging.  The big difference between us and extroverts is that extroverts draw their energy from others.  An extrovert really is the life of the party.  The introvert, well, not so much.  I do not like being the center of attention; it makes me extremely uncomfortable.  Extroverts need daily interaction with other people and feel energized by them.  Introverts like myself can enjoy being with others, especially in smaller groups.  We prefer a nice converstaion with maybe one other person or a few people who we have a good rapport with.  A large gathering with lots of people mingling can tire us out.  Even if we spend time with people enjoying each other's company or participating in a hobby, we need our time to decompress afterwards.  And we really do enjoy the company of others and participating in life.  It is just that being around other people does deplete us of our energy.  If I go to one of the organizations that I participate in, I have a great time.  We have many interesting conversations and can laugh, learn, or share our experiences.  But even with those enjoyable times and interactions, I need to come home and have some time by myself.  I need to unwind a bit, and I need to process everything.

Along those lines, it is important to mention that introverts are observers.  We observe life and other people and we see building relationships as a process.  An extrovert can meet someone and in two hours become their best friend. We introverts are not like that.  We tend to observe other people with the goal of figuring out who they are first and then deciding if we will get involved with them.  And it is not a grueling process.  For me, the process is fun and fulfilling.  I love getting to know people.  But I do not necessarily form a close friendship or bond with someone immediately.  Of course, there are always some of "those people" who you automatically just gravitate to in life.  For me, those have tended to be fellow introverts.  Those are the exceptions, however.  Once we do form a relationship with you, it is very strong on our end and we are also very loyal to you.  Generally speaking, introverts do not have large social circles.  We may have a few good friends, and we are very content with that.  Introverts do not need to have an endless supply of friends as an extrovert does.  Does that mean we are distrusting?  Maybe or maybe not; it depends on the person.  

Introverts are without a doubt content spending time by ourselves.  That is another part of introversion that others seem to misunderstand about us.  When we are spending time by ourselves, we are certainly not lonely.  We are likely doing something creative, such as writing, painting, drawing, or photography.  We might be thinking about things, contemplating issues or problems in our lives, or coming up with solutions to things.  In the workplace, introverts do well with solitary tasks because we like to apply our own thinking to problem-solving.  We can often come up with good ideas because we spend a lot of time analyzing things.  And boy, we certainly analyze things outside of the workplace.  We introverts can and often do overthink things.  Being by ourselves, we tend to fill that time with what goes on in our heads and in our emotions.  Introverted children, as I was one, are content playing by themselves.  We created stories of our dolls, or our action figures, and we would act them out.  I had two good friends growing up and a few more neighborhood kids who played together regularly over the summer.  And we always had a blast.  But I never had to be a part of a large playground group, for example. I was just as happy and self-contained playing by myself if my friends were not around.  

The final thing that I would want for everyone to know is that nobody is one-hundred percent of any trait, whether introverted or extroverted.  We introverts may have some traits of extraversion, and vice versa.  I think of one of my favorite musical artists, Freddie Mercury.  By all accounts, both by others and from his own words, Freddie was an introvert.  Off stage, he was described as quiet, a man of a few words, and very laid back.  However, on stage, he was bold, energetic, and completely animated.  I did theater and drama in my school years.  There may be a performer in each of us introverts that is waiting to get out and can do so under the right circumstances.  Another example of this would be in the popular (and show I cannot get enough of!) show The Queen's Gambit.  The character Beth is indeed an introvert.  The show does a very good job, in my opinion, of portraying her introversion.  When Beth gets in a chess tournament, she absolutely owns the room.  There is also a theory which is growing in popularity of "ambiversion."  Ambiversion is the idea that some or most people do not fit neatly into either category, that most of us have unique traits which cannot be defined as either purely introversion or extraversion.  That may indeed describe some people that you or I know.  Me personally, I fall strongly towards introversion.  I suspect like any theory of personality, there are people who fall on a spectrum.  However, my own personal belief is that there are more people who are introverted and do not realize that.  That may be for a few different reasons.  At least here in our society, extraversion is seen as the desirable personality type.  People want to be seen as friendly, sociable, or even type A personalities.  Most type A personalities do correlate with extroverts.  I do not think that many people would think it okay to be "quieter" or more laid back.  And let's face it, many people probably do not have the interest in personality theories like some of us do.  There are likely not a lot of people spending time contemplating what type of personality they are.  They just go about their lives.  

I hope you have enjoyed this little tour inside the live of an introvert.  Now I am off to read quietly.