Reflections on a Pandemic Year

 March 12 or so, 2020.

Life was good.  I was doing my everyday thing.  I participate in a several nice groups and organizations locally, enjoying our get togethers.   I have met some wonderful new friends over the last couple years of my life, and every time I saw those great people our friendships deepened.  I shopped at my beloved little market, made my fun trips to my favorite CVS and RiteAid.  And the dollar store-the bane of my shopping existence.  I saw my family on a regular basis, and we always have a lot of fun getting together.  It is loud, noisy, and always entertaining.  Speaking of family, one of my relative's teams was in the thick of state playoffs, and that was very exciting as well.  They were just one of "those teams" that were magic.  The prospect of state championship was very real, and it was a great time.  Things like that just do not happen every day, and I was having a lot of fun being along for the ride.  The last time I was at the grocery store was that Tuesday.  The clerks at the cash register were wearing masks and wiping down the grocery conveyor belt after every customer left and the new one came.  I had the thought at the time that I needed to stock up.  This scary new, unknown disease COVID-19 was starting to spread around the United States, and it was only a matter of time before I knew it would appear in my area.  So, I did stock up and made sure that I had enough of everything because I really did not want to be out and about much.  Just three days later, it was announced that schools were being shut down.  The dominoes started to fall, only essential stores were allowed to remain open, workplaces deemed non-essential were shutting down as well.  The first COVID case hit our county, and life was brought to a screeching halt in our country.  On a national level, we never really experienced any kind of shutdown in my lifetime.  This new disease was being considered a pandemic in other parts of the world, but it did not quite meet that level here in the beginning.  My parents, now both over the age of 65, were being encouraged to stay home.  I did not see anybody during that time.  On a personal level, the idea of staying inside was not that foreign to me.  I went through a period of my health being poor and I was confined to my home during that time.  Yes, it sucks.  Not being able to get out and experience the world can bring depression and isolation.  I had to laugh at the people freaking out over the prospect of (gasp!) being home as some new concept.  I was more fearful than depressed or unable to adjust in the beginning.  I thought that there were going to be millions of people dying and that we were all at such a high risk that even the mere fact of touching something that came into your home was putting you at risk.  I washed down groceries that came in, I put packages outside in my yard before bringing them inside.  (I still do that and remarkably, none have been stolen!)  My luck had run out with groceries by that time, and I had to make a trip to the market.  I was absolutely terrified to go in.  That trip was still before they knew that COVID was a mouth borne disease.  I was impressed that we were all stopped at the front doors with a worker handing out gloves if we did not have them.  No masks, though.  It was surreal.  Some of the workers looked like something out of the movies.  The ones handling fresh food had on full helmets with what looked like pure white body suits.  It felt like I was in an episode of the Twilight Zone.  We couldn't have Easter that year as a family, and that wasn't fun.  

As spring rolled into summer, the cases hit a new low here in my county.  This was in part because we were essentially shut down by the state.  As counties became safer, it was safe to start to partially open up again.  We were in single digit cases.  Believe me, there were no lack of complaints about having to postpone life.  My feeling was that I did not like it any more than the next person, but we were dealing with a deadly disease which you did not know who had and not.  I worked really hard to overcome my health issues, and I was unwilling to undo any of that.  I would wait it out.  We saw fighting over toilet paper, protests at state capitols, people becoming irate at cashiers making little over minimum wage and still needing to work.  I saw ugliness and selfishness in its purest forms.  I saw that people were relentless in it.  For them, their way of life was much more important than the health and safety implications.  I never understood it, and I do not to this day.  The first time I was out again with my family was Father's Day.  We all sat apart from each other with masks.  It was very unusual, though I was just glad to be around people.  Sure, I saw my neighbors and we were far away enough from each other that it was safe.  And my groups that I participate in moved onto Zoom.  It was very nice to be able to connect with people and at leas see their faces.  At my job, we got hit hard the first few months.  Among other things, we had contracts with several travel and tourism companies who suspended the work we did for them.  Other companies were furloughing or laying off people.  A co-worker of mine all but quit on the spot, and I was given her responsibilities.  That really saved me.  Things were slow, but not that bad.

And then came July.  Within a matter of 5 days, I lost one of the most significant people in my life.  It was unexpected and tragic.  Having to deal with something like that is bad under non-pandemic circumstances.  It was even worse at the time.  I had planned to spend the summer enjoying what was supposed to be my last summer where I am living now.  I read a lot during the summer and love to sit out under the stars at night.  I never "require" a lot of activities which I am surrounded by people.  I did get to see my family for major events like holidays and birthdays.  Other than that, I was pretty much by myself.  But it was okay, I had everything planned.  Life often does not go as planned.  And the summer was not quite over with its losses.  I had to cope with everything going on confined to four walls.  I was kind of zoned out and grieving, so perhaps I was numb to what was happening with COVID.

As the fall came around, it came into birthday and holiday times.  One of my family needed essential surgery a week after Thanksgiving, so we did not gather.  We did not feel it would be safe.  But a week before, we did have an impromptu Thanksgiving celebration with a full dinner.  We were able to gather safely for Christmas.  I did get to go on some of my favorite activity-light drives.  It seemed like this past year, people decorated their houses even more than usual.  Maybe they felt it was their way of providing holiday cheer.  Perhaps they had more time to devote to it.  At any rate, it was still a nice, regular part of the holiday season.  Nobody gathered for New Year's Eve, but I didn't care.  New Year's Eve is never a significant or meaningful holiday to me.

News of a vaccine got everyone excited. It was like there was light at the end of the tunnel.  As of the time I am writing this, they estimate over 80 million people have been vaccinated.  Unfortunately, cases are going up in my county as well as my state as a whole.  Why?  My guess is because we are still not ready to go into the wholesale life we once knew.  People are getting careless.  I am going to get the vaccine because I want to do everything I can to ensure my health and safety and that I can get back to the non-pandemic life I once new.  Note, I did not say "normal."  We have heard about "the new normal" and what that means.  I have never liked the word normal, anyway.  I want to get back to the life I knew before.

If I am being honest, we did not handle this pandemic well as a country.  I am quite disappointed.  I grew disillusioned at the selfishness I have seen in people.  It is not only selfish not to care about others, but it is also selfish when one believes they are above the rules or above suffering.  And I am quite concerned that the paranoia about some kind of conspiracy has caused the fringe people to become a movement.  I would have never expected us to have these kinds of mainstreamed levels of conspiracy theories in the 80s or even 90s.  This year has taken a toll on all of us in many different ways.  My hope as of this writing is that we continue to move towards our full way of living and that everyone does their part.  I hope this virus is taken seriously by all and that we can have some semblance of order.  I wish that those who lost jobs, businesses, and their economic freedom will have that restored to them sooner than later.  There is one thing I do believe....

Better days are ahead.  Happy Spring!  And here is to a time of growth and moving forward, just like the flowers and trees are growing again.   

The Amazing Melting Snow

 We had our first snowstorm of the season on December 16.  It was reported to have been the largest snowstorm in a few years.  In my location, I think we got about a foot of snow.  My neighbors were a blessing and helped me shovel the snow, but it was a mess to try and get around.  It was hard to even get off of my front porch.  The little bit of snow that melted would refreeze at night, and despite salt and care, there was some ice on the pavement.  And then some really cold air came in.  The highs were predicted to be around freezing.  The snow wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.  But then a few days later, the temperatures got into the 40s.  I would hear the melting snow trickling and dripping at night, but it was slow.  A tiny bit would melt away each day.  It was nothing miraculous, it was slow and unremarkable.  It was almost impossible to get from my patio to my actual yard.  Then on the 23rd, it got warmer.  By that night, the snow in the yard went down substantially.  All of the snow melted on my patio steps, and I could at least get down to the bottom of the steps to look at the sky.  It felt good after so many days.

Then, the morning of the 24th, Christmas Eve, happened.  It was warm and rainy.  Literally overnight, I went from being able to see a few spots of grass here and there to a yard with only a few lingering spots of snow.  It was a complete reversal of just 12 hours before.  All the damned piles of snow that I had to carefully climb over to get to the street were completely gone.  And there were a lot of puddles in the way.  The yard was a muddy mess.  But the snow indeed melted!  A few days later, there was no trace of snow.  It was dry, and it was over.  The big snowstorm was an afterthought.

I am someone who loves life lessons.  I look for lessons in real-life circumstances, I look for metaphors for life.  And as I walked out into the mostly snow-free yard on Christmas Eve morning, I realized that the amazing melting snow was a metaphor for what life felt like in 2020.  This big, messy storm came and crippled us. It froze us and didn't allow for much getting around.  If you tried to walk in it, you might fall.  The snow got old and ugly, in large dirty piles.  And it cleared slowly in the beginning.  Nothing miraculous about it.  But then, the rain and warmth came and washed and melted it away.  Of course, there was a muddy mess afterwards and you probably didn't want your shoes dirty.  I had to practice my inner Mary Poppins when I had to basically levitate over the dirty water in the gutter to get back to my pavement. Eventually, though, the grounds dried.  The last part of that hasn't quite happened with our world yet.  At least not here in the United States.  We just got a vaccine, and cases are nowhere near going down yet.  But there will be a time coming when this nightmare starts to melt away, much like the snow did.  And it may go quickly.  

If you are reading this, I hope you do not have a friend or loved one with COVID-19.  I hope you have not lost your job or business.  I hope that your relationships have not suffered.  But the likelihood of all of those things are very rare statistically.  Even if none of those things apply to you, there may come a time in your life of a snowstorm.  One will come into every part of our lives; it is part of being a human being on this earth.  There have been more than my fair share in my life.  But there have also been times where the snow just went away overnight as well.  It is not to say that is the norm and that we should just wait until something happens like that.  We must all work hard and do the very best we can to live this life to the fullest.  We must create opportunities for ourselves and never wait for things to happen.  But I have also had times where even with a phone call, my life changed instantaneously.  Most recently, it happened at my job.  It was a random night in June when I checked my email before I went to bed because I had forgotten to order some software my boss wanted me to and I had to check to see what it was.  I never check my work email before I go to bed, ever.  I have put boundaries on that because I need to get my proper rest so I can function well the rest of the day.  I would have never, ever expected an email that said one of my co-workers was leaving the company without a two weeks notice. Did I want to take over her responsibilities?  And even more remarkable was that at the end of that month, the account I had been working on downgraded their services.  I would have been without sustaining income had I not been offered that position.  There are more stories like that in my life, maybe I will tell some in the future.  You may also have stories like that.

My hope for 2021 is that our snowstorm and international nightmare melts away.  It may be muddy even after the snow melts, but there will be a time when we do not live like this.  We are ALL looking forward to that day with much anticipation.  And I want to remind you that even if it is not on a national level, the snow may just melt overnight in your life.  You may get a call that your friend or loved one with COVID has recovered.  Your phone may just ring someday when you are not expecting it asking you go to back to your job because your business has opened once again.  Or, it could be something good but totally different.  I promise you, you will know.  

My December read this year was a thoughtful book by Ellen Cooney called One Night Two Souls Went Walking.  It was the story of a hospital chaplain who had the unenvious job of ministering to people who were dying.  My favorite quote from that book was a wish from the unnamed chaplain who was holding a vigil for a sick person.  She said:

"...whatever they'd been through already, whatever they felt in their darkest moments, Please imagine what hope is, and please then have it."

That is my wish for you and me for 2021.  It is a new year, and I truly believe better days are coming for us.  Cling to hope.  

A Hearfelt Message To The Class of 2020

 

Dear Class of 2020,

 

You navigated through a tumultuous year.  You had your senior year cut short.  No prom, no traditional graduations, maybe none at all.  Your sports seasons were put on hold, championships never played for.   No bonding one last time on your senior class trip.  Never a chance to walk the halls of your high school for those last few days and say goodbye and thank you to your special teachers.  Or maybe even the janitor that treated you with kindness for all of those years.  (That was my case.  Our janitor was one of the kindest people at our school, he was like my school grandfather.)  Of course, there is email, going back sometime next year, talking to someone on Zoom or some other online web conferencing form, but nothing takes the place of real-life experience. And it is also very important to share some remaining times with your friends.  In my senior year, my best friend and I would talk and dream about our futures.  The future will come soon enough, you need every last minute to be young, silly, and free.   You do not need to be home, isolated, not knowing when you could ever go out again.  It was bad, and do not let anyone else tell you otherwise.  Some of you have started college.  Some online, others virtually.  Others may have put their plans on hold until this pandemic is not a factor in our safety.  Some of you may have lost a loved one or friend to COVID-19.  This disease has taken a lot from all of us, in many different ways, throughout the world.

But when I think about you, the class of 2020, I am reminded of how you came into this world.  Generally speaking, the class of each year starts kindergarten if you are born in around mid-September.  That means that you were born sometime between the middle of September of 2001 and September of 2002.  September 2001 was one of the most devastating days our country has ever seen.  We just had a day of remembrance on Friday (this is being posted on September 13.)  I will never forget that day in our history and the sheer horror of it.  My generation had never seen anything like that before.  My parents’ generation had the assassination of JFK, and World War II saw the destruction at Pearl Harbor.  But this all unfolded for all of us to see, and it changed our country forever.  Smoke smoldered for days; the cleanup took a long time.  Some of you came into this world as the smoke smoldered and people were still trying to find out of their loved ones were really safe, lying somewhere in a hospital bed, or never coming home again. It was a time of crisis, fear, and uncertainty.  There were economic downturns, and we never knew what the next day would bring.  Shortly after, there were people sending anthrax through our mail system and trying to kill journalists and politicians.  We never really knew when it was going to end.  The same could be said about our country right now.  We do not know when this pandemic will end.  Our economy is weak, and there is civil unrest.  I wish that you in the class of 2020 could have seen what our country was like at that time.  There were no Democrats or Republicans, just people.  We didn’t fight about whose beliefs were right or wrong, we just needed to take care of our brothers and sisters.  For those first responders at Ground Zero, it did not matter who the person was they were trying to save.  They were just trying to save them.  Right now, our citizens are turning on each other.  At very least, some will not respect others rights to safety.  Others are literally shooting and killing their own country members. 

Class of 2020, you came into this world at one of our worst crisis times, and you graduated and became an adult in another one of our worst crisis times.  That makes you very unique.  In fact, I do not believe that there is another group of students who were born and entered adulthood at such a crisis time in our country’s history.  But that also makes you very resilient.  You know what it is like to have to improvise and learn to adapt to the absolute worst of circumstances.  You understand that life can change in a few days’ time without warning.  You certainly have learned to create new ways of doing things, particularly learning.  And most importantly, you have learned that it is crucial to keep looking towards the future.  Every one of us have to be reminded of that; I have to remind myself on a daily basis that this will not last forever.  We are all required to look towards the future and plan for it despite what is going on in our daily lives which have been disrupted.  But your class in particular was the first and maybe only class to have to work through some very unusual circumstances and still pursue your education.  You were having to make tough decisions about your safety, trying to determine whether it was safe to go to a campus or not.  And maybe you made the decision that this is not the best year for that to happen.  Whatever it was, you learned that you had to make the best decision for your life at the time.  That is, by definition, being an adult. 

For all of those reasons, you are a very special group of young adults.  I believe that you are a very unique and wonderful group of people who will change the world.  You have been tested even before you entered into the world of adulthood and learned how to deal with some very difficult circumstances.  It taught you how to be a survivor, how to think differently to adapt to your circumstances.  You were forced to be creative in your approach to learning, to try new things, and to have to stick it out despite uncertainty.  Those are all great qualities in leaders.  I for one cannot wait to see what you do and how you rise to the occasion in this world.  You already have. 

I wish all of you, the class of 2020, the very best as you grow into adulthood and throughout the rest of your life.  I have no doubt we are going to be seeing some very amazing things from you.  You are special.