Consider me among the millions who was never fascinated with
Paris Hilton. I am generally do not follow
any celebrity unless I am a fan of them.
Even so, I might like to read an article about them, etc., but I sure as
hell do not consider myself a celebrity enthusiast. I pretty much loathe today’s pop culture and
find it to be a waste of my time. But
plenty of others feel differently than me about it, to each their own. Paris Hilton to me was the first to usher in
the era of “Kardashians”- famous people with a quasi-famous last name we were
told that we care about. Why? I have no idea. Ever since I was a child it was an affront to
my sensibilities to be told that I had to like someone or that they were
important enough to care. It was up to
me whether I decided I liked you or not and why. Maybe that is why I do not like the celebrity
worship of today. A few weeks ago, I saw
an article about Paris Hilton and the abuse that she suffered at a private
boarding school. It said that there
would be a documentary, and I was automatically interested. For part of my education, I attended two
private religious schools. Both were dysfunctional,
one highly dysfunctional. Besides word
of mouth you do not hear these kinds of stories, but they do exist. So, I decided that I would watch the
documentary “This Is Paris.”
The beginning of the documentary seemed more like an
informercial on the “brand” of Paris Hilton.
It featured her travels around the world, her business ventures,
etc. There was some discussion of her
mother and grandmother, both of whom worked in the modeling and TV
industry. Paris’ grandmother would tell
her she was like a young version of famous beautiful women such as Marilyn
Monroe and Grace Kelly. Apparently,
Paris’ mother Kathy did not want her daughter to follow in the world of
modeling. But it kind of followed
Paris. I imagine that if you grow up
around any kind of lifestyle, there is some kind of pressure to do follow in
your family’s path. Or maybe it is a
family legacy. There are plenty of
politicians, businesspeople, actors, athletes, etc. who follow in their
family’s careers. It is in their
blood. As I was watching this part of
the documentary, I was reminded of a conversation I had with the mother of one
of my best friends in high school. She
grew up in a small Southern town, the daughter of a successful
businessman. Country club gatherings,
tennis lessons, riding lessons, and fancy dress were a part of her
upbringing. Her mother put on the airs
of a not excessively wealthy, but well-off enough family that looked pristine
from the outside. However, it was not
the same behind closed doors. She was
very lonely, just like Paris seemed to be. Her mother was cruel and indifferent;
her father the face of the family but absent emotionally. Even though that
particular experience was not my own, I have heard it described in detail just
like my friend’s mother. I believe this
was the beginning of Paris’ emotional hurting in life. Towards the middle of the documentary, Paris
began to talk about her relationship with a man who filmed their intimate
relations. Understandably, this was
devastating to her and her family. I
would like to say that this is something which only occurs in the lives of the
rich and famous, but there are plenty of non-famous people who record their
private activities and have them leaked.
I am not sure how old Paris was at the time of this leak, but she seemed
to be rather young. She appeared to be
in her late teens. I do remember this
being in the news, but I really did not care.
Paris described this as a betrayal, and understandably so. She felt a tremendous sense of shame. I read some commentary where people believed
that she deliberately put out the video to become famous. I highly doubt that. She seemed to be well on her way to “fame” by
that time. And if she wanted a career in
making sex tapes, she could have chosen a career in pornography. What I saw was a young woman betrayed by
someone she thought she loved. After an
experience like that, I can imagine that it was very hard to trust not only
men, but yourself. You think that you
found someone worthy of your trust, and they are anything but. But you made that decision, and you will
second guess yourself for some time to come.
As the documentary continued, there was still a lot of focus
on Paris’ activities related to her career and interests. I was kind of waiting for the big “story” to
kick in about the school. And during some
of it quite frankly, Paris came off as unrelatable. She found that she spent 16 hours a day on
social media, she went through closets full of various apparel that she never
used. Paris said that she did not want
to stop working until she became a billionaire.
She needed to find a man who was her “equal” because they essentially
turned into sycophants when they dated her.
What I personally found remarkable, and not necessarily in a good way,
was how much she was addicted to attention and adulation. Every single one of us knows someone who is
addicted to social media praise. The
ones who cannot stop taking pictures and posting selfies. The people who put up pictures of everything
they do, what they had for supper, shopping in the supermarket, etc. Paris seemed, or seems, to absolutely survive
on social media and cannot live without it.
She was taking a selfie of herself in a pool, in bed, with face masks
on, anything. You name the activity,
Paris had a picture of herself doing it.
It almost seemed like attention and approval were her drug. That is a lot of people, but Paris has this
almost inexplicable way of doing so. She
commands physical attention by her dress, her appearance and fashion. Also, she seemed rather uptight when she was
getting ready to perform. In a segment
with her then boyfriend, he seemed to be feeling ignored. It is hard to say who was in the right or
wrong, because we only saw the beginning of the fight. Paris was set to appear at a world-famous music
festival and her boyfriend Alex was saying how she paid attention to other
people and not to him. She demanded that
he not act like that before she was ready to perform. There was some drama between the two of
them. Part of the drama was that Paris
was getting very angry. But there was also a desperate quality where the other
time she was begging him to stop and seemed like she was pleading with him to
get on the same page with her. She
insisted that if he did not stop walking away from her that she would strip him
of his credentials. And Paris did-after
fighting with him and demanding that her staff remove him, he was removed. The whole segment made her look like a diva,
although one who when her weakness came through did not want to be abandoned by
her boyfriend. Truth be told, I was kind
of zoning out because the stories were still few and far between.
Finally, Paris began to completely open up about her
experience at the Provo School in Utah.
When her family relocated to New York City, Paris began sneaking out to
clubs and using fake identification to get into bars, dance clubs, etc. Here is where things get murky for me. Her mother Kathy said that they were calling
clubs, begging them not to let their daughter in, etc. Either they were really deep sleepers and had
a sleep disorder, or they were not paying close enough attention to their
daughter’s behavior. An underage child
cannot keep sneaking out unless the parents really are not paying
attention. Instead of dealing with the
problem head on, they hired someone to come in and take Paris out of her bed
while she was sleeping and escort her to this school. Paris described being terrified, said that
the men would not explain who they were, etc. When she arrived at the school,
she was given unidentified psychiatric drugs that made her, and the other
students exhausted and numb. Paris
stopped taking the pills, but they were found in a trash can and because of
that, she was put into solitary confinement for twenty hours. She said that the staff were regularly
hitting and shaming students, putting them into solitary confinement and that
they all lived in terror. Paris
reconnected with some of her best friends and fellow students. They sat around discussing their experiences,
some crying and reliving the experience.
They all decided to speak out about their experiences. Initially, Paris was concerned that it would
“hurt my brand” but decided that the truth was more important. I would agree. The film concluded with Paris reiterating
that she would never stop working.
There is a lot to unpack with the stories revealed in the
documentary. My own feeling is that
Paris just did not turn into a wayward teenager. Yes, as a teenager anything can look
appealing under the best of circumstances.
Sometimes you can become addicted to drugs and alcohol, partying, etc.
without the blood and guts of a sad childhood.
Generally speaking, though, happy and well-adjusted children do not
constantly go out and find fulfillment in the party lifestyle. Paris was likely trying to escape something
at home. She and her sister Nicky
detailed it-the family was forced to look perfect from the outside. They were shut out of the family money but
were nonetheless Hiltons. Both
grandmother and mother were image conscious women who projected that onto
Paris. As children, whatever you grow up
with is normal at the time. If you have
a parent who is an alcoholic or has a mental health issue, chaos is
normal. If you have a parent driven to
succeed, being pushed as a child is normal.
Normal in the Hilton family was trying to look perfect to the outside,
both physically and by their overall image.
Nobody, be it adults or children, can live up to that pressure. Children and teenagers do not understand their
feelings and really do not understand how to express the pain that they
feel. Some overachieve, others “act out.” They engage in behavior such as drinking,
drugs, sex, etc. to try and get attention or to fill a void. And some others align with gangs or get
involved in crime. To be fair, we do not
know if they initially sent Paris to a psychologist or psychiatrist or tried
some other kind of intervention. I do
not think they did, though, because no credible mental health professional
would have recommended an extreme program like Provo. The trust between Paris and her parents would
have been destroyed after their actions.
So, this broken young woman who never had the freedom to live as herself
in her own family and was physically and mentally abused at a school arrived
into the adult world. Paris was still
very young and naïve when she began her modeling career. She chose to trust and love a male who
betrayed her to the world. Paris adjusted
to the world and survived in the only way that she could. She put up a carefree, physically perfect
image to the world. But inside, she was
the abused and neglected young woman who was betrayed by many people who
claimed to love her and were entrusted with her well-being. No wonder she cannot sleep at night or trust
others.
I came away from the documentary with a new understanding of
Paris Hilton. I know for a fact that I
would have never paid attention to her had she not come forward with her
story. But I do believe that it brings
up a larger truth. Everyone, no matter
how much we do not relate to them, has their own pain and suffering. I think that human nature is that we do not
relate well to people who pretend nothing is wrong in their lives, that
everything is perfect. We feel like they
do not understand us, and we do not want to associate with people who do not
understand our imperfect lives. There
were times during the documentary when Paris did not seem like someone that
most of us could relate to. Sometimes,
she was downright unlikeable, like when she was raging at her now
ex-boyfriend. But when she became
vulnerable and we could see underneath all of those layers, we got it. We got her.
I do give her a lot of credit for fighting back in her life and rising
above where she came from. She certainly
did not let her shame defeat her. She
showed the world that she was more than the way she was treated by her abusers
and neglecters.
If I would have one wish for Paris, I would wish her the
ability to open up and trust despite everything. I would want her to be able to sleep at night
and just let loose for once. Not
worrying about money, social media, etc.
I would hope that she could truly enjoy her life, find healthy people
and be in healthy relationships with them.
And I would also recommend that she watch the series finale of 13
Reasons Why and hear Clay’s powerful speech about surviving high school. Paris, like many, many others, is a
survivor. I hope that she begins to
thrive in her life. She’s already in
survival mode. It is time that Paris
finally found peace.
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